Hide&Seek
by Eveliuxx
Summary: Shane wants death, but he gets that for someone else. He meets a girl with a simiral story and he lets himself fall for her, but he doesn't really know who Alison is...SMITCHIE!
1. Maybe

_**A/N – I got this idea and just had to post the first chapter and see what happens. **_

_**Disclaimer – I will say it once and once only, I don't own stuff that I don't own. Got it? Good let's move on.**_

_Shane's POV_

I was speeding, big time.

I didn't even watch the road ahead of me. What was the point? It was pitch black and I couldn't be bothered turning my lights on. I couldn't really see all the trees and plants fly by, like I wanted to but I could always imagine that I could see everything I wanted to.

I pressed down on the pedal and watched the arrow on the speedometer rise. I pressed it down as far as it would go and then satisfied with the speed enjoyed it.

I don't know why I was going so fast. Maybe I was running away. I was going home, but maybe I was running away from what I left back in New York. I didn't leave anything there. I had nothing there. Maybe, it was just a way of letting time pass. It wasn't like I was afraid to die. I didn't have anything or anyone to live for. No one. I would like to die. It would be a whole new experience.

It seemed I had the perfect life. I had enough money to have house and a dog, I had a family. But something was missing.

Some family I had. I had two brothers and a sister. That's all I had. Our parents didn't want us. We were dropped off at a foster home, while Kristen, the youngest was only a baby. Jason was eight, but when he reached eighteen he _adopted _us, you can say what you want but he took us in and took care of us.

I didn't have a care in the world. I didn't care for the consequences. Not one. I was enjoying the speed, enjoying the sharp wind hitting my face, from the open window.

Seemed I needed everything I wanted until...

I saw a car coming towards me but I didn't move out of its way. I didn't know I was _in _its way. I was driving on the wrong side of the road, but it only dawned to be right then, when the car went flying off the road and hit a tree...I didn't hear an explosion but he hit it pretty bad and it was my fault.

I kept driving. I didn't look back. I didn't care who was there in the car. Who could be dying in it. I was planning my own death right then, anyways. Maybe I did the people in the car a favour. I planned their death for them, unlike me who had to do it all by myself.

I slowed down as I reached the city and left the long straight road.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't let myself die. It wasn't the first time I tried, but something in me wouldn't let me. I wanted to hit a tree like the other car, but when I tried to swerve, my hands wouldn't turn the wheel the side like I wanted to. Life wouldn't let me go. It needed me there, wanted me there. But I didn't need or want to be here. Alive. Alive as alive could be. Such a stupid word. _Alive. _I didn't see why everyone was so scared to die. Death has a much nicer sound to it. It just flows off your tongue unlike _alive _the word itself could kill you before you say it. Hate it. Not only the word but the whole process of it. I didn't agree with God that he didn't give us the opportunity to decide if we wanted to live. He just did it to suit him. Some of us maybe wanted to be with him in wherever he is. Not here, trying to get up there. Why isn't everyone? Why is everyone so stuck to the ground? I will never understand.

Well I guess God will hate me. I just sent up I don't know how many people up there.

Now when I wondered about it I really wished I would have stopped and helped them. Maybe that pain I was getting in the pit of my stomach wouldn't be there. Maybe I was guilty. Maybe I am a murder.

I wanted to be as far away from the world as I possibly could. I was trying to find that place but it was still hidden from my eyes. I tried closing them, imagining the place I was trying to get to but even my imagination was against me. I saw darkness just darkness. Plain darkness that hid a terrible secret from me...

I was going as slowly as I could, not looking back at the cars behind me honking in annoyance. I was trying to take in life before I lost it. Or in my case got rid of it. It wasn't bad. It wasn't hard. But it wasn't what I wanted. I was missing something and that something seemed to be waiting for me on the other side.

The other side was hiding from me. It didn't want to be seen.

I read a lot of books about afterlife and it seemed like a very nice place. A place that was putting up a challenge for me and I wasn't about to back down.

Everytime I try to get there, something goes wrong. It's either me, or the world. I try to jump into the road and get hit by a car, the car just disappears, like into thin air. I try to jump off a building, I fall onto a soft bush or into water. I try to cut myself the scissors won't cut through my skin. I even tried to hit myself on the head with one of Nate's guitars but everytime I try to do so I only faint and wake up to life again. Now he hides them from me...and really, really well. I can't find them anyplace.

I stopped completely as I reached our driveway. I parked the car and stepped out. The lights in the house were on in every room. Not that it was a big house. It wasn't like we could afford a big house.

Jason, was a music teacher in one of the local elementary schools, and there was barely any money in that. And in my point of view Jason still needed a music teacher for himself before he could teach some kid to learn how to hold one of Nate's guitars or one of Kristen's drum sticks.

Nate, Kristen and I played together in old smelly coffee shops or modern glass cafe's, in a band we called Connect 3. Nate on guitar, Kristen on drums and I was lead singer. Jason was out first drummer, really. But he was replaced with Kristen because he got better money teaching kids how not to pick their nose with a drum stick. He was right to do that. We got paid less than a hobo, but I didn't do it for money, since I was going to die I just did it for fun.

My thoughts went back to the car, who went off the road. What happened to them. Did I kill anyone. Did anyone see my face. Was I gonna die in jail.

I ignored the questions that went running through my head, and got out of the car unwillingly and went inside.

As I stepped in through the door, I was greeted by a very pacy Jason, guitar playing Nate and a sandwich eating Kristen.

"Hey Shane" greeted me Kristen with a mouth full of sandwich stuff.

"Hey" I blinked, throwing my keys on the table, getting ready to go sprinting up the stairs. Jason caught my eye and went red in the face. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks burnt red too.

"Where. The. Hell! WERE YOU!!!??" shouted Jason, raising his voice on every word, as he went along.

"Out" I told him with a scoff and was about to run upstairs again, when Jason caught my shirt and stared at me.

"YOU WERE GONE FOR TWO DAYS!" he screamed tears starting to run down his cheeks.

"Jason, I told you he'll come back. He always does" said Nate not looking up from his guitar, almost laughing.

"Yeah Jase. Remember at Christmas when he wanted that poodle and he didn't get it and he ran away and-" babbled Kristen more interested in making another sandwich than talking to Jason.

"Kristen, shut up" interrupted Jason through glinted teeth.

Jason looked me in the eyes again, and pointed his figure at the stairs. I was more than happy to go up there.

"OW I CUT MY BLOODY FINGER!" screamed Kristen and I laughed.

"WELL IT'S BLOODY NOW!" shouted Jason making me laugh again.

I was also glad no questions were asked. I wasn't going to tell him I made a car fall into a ditch.

I wasn't looking for anyone else's death. I was looking for my own. Just my own.

_**Okay, I know it's not that good and very short, but please wait until the next chapter (if there will be one) until you decide this is a crap story.**_


	2. Expectations

_**MUST READ! - This chapter is set 2 weeks after the last chapter. Throughout the whole story the time will be changing but I will let you know so it doesn't get confusing. it will at first but then you'll catch on. If you still don't get it PM me.**_

_Alison's POV_

I stared out the plane's window and gazed upon the clouds. I expected them to lift the sadness away like usual, but not today. It was terrible. The thoughts of why I was leaving. Or told to leave were hovering over me like a dark cloud and I hated it. The feeling of being so neglected, so unwanted, so careless. Or I was. Now I was alone and all the cares were upon me. The hard life.

I felt the tears stinging my eyes, but I did my very best to ignore them and think of something else. I couldn't. The familiar thoughts forced themselves back into my mind, and I couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

I thought that if I let myself cry, I would erupt with sobs and wouldn't be able to stop. It never happened to me like that, and it didn't happen this time either. Only a couple of individual tears rolled down my cheek and onto my neck, untouched.

I wondered why I had to be so alone right now. Usually when a person is sad and looking for a shoulder to cry on, that person has a shoulder to cry on. I don't. I have nothing. Not anymore.

I was going somewhere where I would have nothing at all. At least back home I had people who I knew, even though most of those people either pitied me, felt sorry or hated me but still better than an empty house, that my own brother bought me to get me away from him.

No matter how much I hated planes and heights and loud noises, I didn't want to get off that plane. The plane felt closer to home than that empty house that was waiting for me. The thought of me being the owner of that house would bring back all the rest of the painful memories and some of them could kill with the pain.

Why couldn't I be a year younger? Why? If I was a year younger I wouldn't be old enough to live by myself and I would have to be either fostered or sent to live with one of my distant cousins or something. Anything was better than being alone. When you're alone, you can feel the silence gnawing at you, slowly eating you alive until there is nothing left of you to break the silence... only crying your own crying.

Evan gave me money. He _paid _me to get away from him. That's how much my brother hated me. He bought that stupid house, he signed me into some school and got me a job at one of the local restaurants as a waitress. I didn't expect anything better. I _couldn't _expect anything better, from someone who hated me this much. It was the best I would ever get.

I really couldn't blame Evan, for hating me. For not wanted to have anything to do with me. He believes that I ruined his life, but he doesn't realize that I didn't only ruin _his _life, I ruined my own as well.

Maybe, he was right to send me here. To put me on this plane and walk away. That way we both could try to forget about what happened. It would be easier for me to leave West Almond, where everything happened and go to LA where I could try to start a new. I tried to convince myself that I could forget about my home in West Almond but it seemed impossible. It _was _impossible, unless I found something in LA to draw my attention. Impossible.

I hated the idea of such a large city. I hated big. Big was the worst adjective in the dictionary. Evan promised me he signed me up in a not so big school. He did everything to keep me from coming back to nice and small West Almond.

A voice spoke through the speakers, informing us that the plane will be landing soon. All the passengers around the plane buckled up their seatbelts, but I didn't move. My one was still buckled from the time the plane rose of the ground. I didn't care if I was sitting still as a statue, not moving the whole journey. I didn't know these people, and there was a good chance none of these kids were going to the same school as Evan signed me up. I didn't even know the name of it, but I was told that the house (luckily I had the address for that) was just around the corner from my school. It's supposed to be a small area, but it's pretty hard to imagine the word 'small' next to LA.

The landing was smooth and there was no pain either in my ears or anywhere else. But that didn't satisfy me. I was waiting eagerly for the pain, to hide my other much stronger pain, which was not visible to anyone but me.

I boarded off the plane slowly, not looking forward at meeting the sun of LA. There was no sun. The corner of it was peeping out from under a perfectly white cloud, but I was very thankful to it. No sun. Probably the best news I got that day.

I slowly walked to the airport building, looking at the face of every person I passed trying to see if they look as desperate as me. No one did. Everyone seemed pretty happy to finally arrive at their destination. Good for them.

I grabbed my passport out of my bag and showed it to the guy behind the glass window. He just looked me over and nodded his head.

When I reached the belt where the luggage was thrown out, I noticed a vivid green luggage starting its journey around the belt. I dodged to get it before it went behind the rubber blinds and started a new round.

Once the green bag was in my hands I started walking out. One bag was all I had. All I needed. Evan said the house is fully furnished and I have enough money right now to buy enough clothes for all the starving people. But if I did then I would be starving too.

I was quickly out of the airport and was walking towards a taxi still not ready to begin another journey. What choice did I have?

I sat into it and read the address to the cab driver from my little piece of paper. The man nodded and started the car. I preferred this so much more than the plane, but somehow I wanted to be on that plane right now so much because I knew once this car stopped and I got off, there wasn't another journey that I could stall time with. At least it was Friday. At least I had a couple of days to get myself together before I had to step into the cruel grounds of high school.

The taxi went by a big sign that read 'Lovin' Life' in big black letters across a yellow background. I re-read it again and again until the sign was out of view. I tried to find a hint or a clue in it, how to get to 'lovin' life' but failed.

That sign was a big liar.

_**R&R**_


	3. What If

_**A/N – Sorry I haven't been updating, it's cuz I moved and my internet got disconnected. :D **_

_**R&R**_

_Shane's POV_

_April 18, Friday_

"Shane! You ready to go?"

"Go where? Kristen, when I am lying in my bed with my hair a big bush of _blah_ and my eyes are closed, that happens to be when I am _sleeping._ See you learn something new everyday."

"Shane, we really got to go"

"Go where?!"

"School idiot!" shouted Kristen trying to push me out of my bed but failed with a sigh.

"Great, so I wake up alive again" I muttered sitting up and running my fingers through my tangled hair. I looked up at Kristen who was hovering above me her hands on her hips and her gold nails digging into them. She really got to learn to be more patient, life is long can't have everything going your way when you snap your fingers, you gotta learn how to work with it...or just end it.

"Out" I ordered pointing my finger towards the door and Kristen skipped out impatiently.

I slammed the door after her without getting up off my bed. That's how small my room was. Four short greyish-white walls that I decorated with a picture of a snail, surrounded me and suddenly I felt claustrophobic. I scanned the room as if to figure out what to do next.

I got dressed and trailed towards the bathroom in the hall. I tried the handle but it was locked.

"Occupied!" shouted Nate, as if I'd never figure that out myself. I placed myself against the wall and slid down to sit on the carpet. I was ready to wait, since Nate likes staring at himself with a towel wrapped around his head. He says he looks _funky. _

1... 2... 10... 15_... 24..._

I got tired of waiting and just went downstairs. I wasn't planning to live much longer anyways, who cared what I looked like.

Jason was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in his hands and Kristen staring intensely at the door.

"Can we _please _go now?" she begged Jason.

"Wait till Nate get's here." He said sipping his coffee.

"_Why?"_

"He's your brother"

"Well yeah, but why do I have wait for him?"

"He takes you to school" reminded Jason, giving me a kinda 'meanish' look.

"Shane can take me" she shot up smiling at me

"Yeah right" I scoffed and grabbing my keys went out the door.

Damn it, another day. Why can't they just stop and let _tomorrow _come. Everyday there's a new _tomorrow._ It's so stupid. Whoever came up with this _tomorrow _crap really needed something better to do, not make people's heads want to explode. Why can't it end and let me drown in nothingness, where it'll be quite and dark and away from life and everyone in it. No more light, no more happiness, I could die clutching that missing piece that instead of trying to find it I'm giving up and ending the game. It's like a puzzle. When you have 1000 pieces and you worked so hard to make it, then you realize that one little tiny piece is missing so you tear apart the rest. Just like me, if I can't have the full thing, a reason to live, why should I bother?

The day was so bright it disgusted me. I wanted everything to be dark and gloomy, so I could have yet another reason to want to be dead and gone. It was pointless. Just living and doing stuff. Where's the point. Do we get a prize after all of our hard work at the end of life? Is that why everyone is so crazy about living?

I got into my car and stared ahead. I clutched my fists together using all my strength to keep them down, and not break the wind-shield into a thousand glittery pieces and enjoy the way the blood from my hand stained my white shirt. Give it pattern.

I exhaled the breath I realized I was holding and started the car. I was on the road and hating life once again. If I had a better life, would I still want to be rid of it? That missing piece, if I found it would I stay and would my perspective on everything change full on.

Stupid questions. So many questions that no one ever bothered to answer, and if I ever told anyone how I felt and asked one of those questions, they would give me the number of a good crazy-people doctor they know. I collect them now, cuz someday (if there will be a someday for me) I knew I will need one. Maybe then no one will think what I said's crazy cuz I will be. I preferred dead than crazy, I preferred dead better than anything.

The school building was a yellow and brown medium sized building, but for a school pretty small. The windows were long and big covering most of the outside wall in each of the classrooms. That distracted most of the kids cuz you could see everything that goes on outside too clearly. Nothing distracted me, life didn't hold my interest. I didn't pay much attention in class either, just enough for me to pass a test or something, to keep Jason happy. I didn't need to know much, I wasn't planning to use the knowledge cuz where I was planning on going didn't ask for knowledge.

I parked in my usual parking space, at the very back corner behind a shiny black Audi owned by one of the popular girls of the school. If I had time to drive the car, I would be drooling over it. If...

I made my way towards the front doors staring at my feet and begging –in my head- for the wind to die...take me with it. It seemed so free like if it wanted to go _anywhere _it could, and I silently muttered to it to take me where I wanted. I kept that psycho-doctor's number in mind, might come in handy some time soon.

The principle was going around the classes telling us, that a new student would be 'joining' us on Monday. I was –like usually- not paying attention, just parts of some sentences got through to my mind that I couldn't help but think about.

A girl

Alyson Pane

Monday

This class

Be nice

Welcome

Alone...

Blah Blah...

That's all I could understand, and it drained out as soon as he left the room. Meaningless words don't get stuck in my head, barely anything does it's just the way my brain works. I don't give a care, nothing surprises me. I might be a murderer and the thought just came to me like it was an ordinary day thing. Might be for me. Everything is ordinary for me. Nothing special. The only special thing for me is death.

School days went by for me just like anything else. For some people school is a place of boring books, for others a place to socialize, for me think of better ways to reach death. Got nothing so far and that's a problem.

"Hey Shane"

"Hey"

"Give me a lift home?"

"No"

"But-"

"Kristen, get lost, leave me alone, and _get lost._" That shut her up. I never seem to be alone. Always talked to, looked at, heck I'm _stalked _most of the time. I don't know is it for the music in cafe's thing or just that I seem interesting. If I looked at myself from the side I would think I'm creepy, why don't other people? I try so hard to get a reputation so weird that people wouldn't wanna touch the stuff I touch, why does it work the opposite. Why does it attract even more attention? When I'm sitting at math doodling lucky dead birds, I'm asked something just cuz I look like the type a person who would know the answer, but obviously I don't. When I'm sitting alone at lunch or with Kristen, who seems very attached to me, (unlike Nate who is one of the populars and he _likes _it) these random girls just sit down next to me and flutter their eyelashes. I get up and walk away...the weird thing is they follow me and every day it's a group of never seen before girls. Maybe it's cuz I don't notice anything around me that everyone in this school seem so...not there. I have to admit it's not that big of a school. It's weird, but when I look at those girls I seem to _notice _their eyes. I like the way girl's eyes glitter at me, but I still turn away. Even though I find life so annoying and stupid, I am still alive...

_**This story is very hard to write so please if you have any ideas for it tell me cuz I am clueless of what I am doing, that's why the chapters are so short. Sorry again of it sucked but please review. :D **_


	4. Just Like A Murderer

_**A/N – I know it sucks but like I said I have no idea where I'm going with this....**_

_Alison's POV_

_April 18, Friday_

I was standing in front of my new home, with the keys in my hands and tears in my eyes.

I wasn't supposed to be here. I wasn't supposed to be alive, maybe. Maybe there was a terrible mistake and it lead to my father's death, but back to reality...I was suffering more now than ever.

It wasn't a large house. Good. I hated large. It was just the right size for one rejected girl to live in. The windows were long and wide, giving the house an alienish look. I wanted to scream and run towards the house breaking every window, every fragile thing in the house, pounding my fists into everything until I was dying in my pain...or pleasure.

I closed my eyes, and felt a lonely single tear slide of the side of my cheek. It hurt. It hurt to know that he made everything just the way I would like things, as long as I didn't come back. I didn't have a choice now. I couldn't go back. I didn't have anywhere to go, anywhere I was wanted for sure. Unwanted people like me, were unwanted for a reason, even when these people sometimes don't see it, there's always a reason...

It was like I was a curse to my family. I first killed my mother, and now my father. My mother died giving birth to me, and there was no excuse there, it _was _my fault. My father died driving me to stupid New York. He didn't want to go, it was like he felt something was going to happen but since I was me, and was so used to getting things I wanted, I begged... Finally I don't get something I want, finally Evan forces something that I should but _don't _want down my throat. Serves me right. I was killing my own family.

Maybe Evan was scared that he was next to go, because it really seemed that it could happen, that's why I agreed to go. I also agreed because I didn't have the power to say no. I was weak.

I opened my eyes and took a step towards the house. I slowly edged forward, counting the steps I took and wishing more than anything I could turn around and go _home. _  
I stared at the dark wood door and with a shaky hand unlocked it.

I opened it and took a step in, but didn't move anymore.

I was in the living room. Well, as far as I could see the hall, the kitchen and the living room were all connected together, with rows of diamond shaped tiles. The room looked dead to me, just like everything else for the past 2 weeks. The curtains were closed and very little light got through, but I could still see...

The walls were all different shades of brown, and the tiles a dirty looking blue and grey. The kitchen looked friendly enough, with a dark wood island connected with a kitchen counter, and cream leather chairs, but the hall was too cold. Only an ancient looking cupboard stood on the side wall, leaving enough space to put another three beside it. The sitting room was decorated with a leather white couch and glass table. A flat screen TV stood in the corner along with a DVD player...

I dropped my bag and without looking back I went upstairs. The stairs creaked as I put my foot down on each one, and listening to the sound seemed to make me cry harder. It reminded me of my pain, but didn't everything?

Three doors hugged the walls in the corridor. I guessed which ones were the bedrooms and which was the bathroom but I mixed them all up completely, referring to the bathroom as the main bedroom and visa versa.

The main bedroom was a nicely lit room, with three white walls and one bright red. A light wood double bed was against one of the white walls with the window to the east of it. There were two bedside tables on either side, accompanied with night lamps. A large mirror hung on the red wall, making the room look bigger than it really was, but I didn't mind too much. A walk in closet was to the right when you first walk in the room, with a sliding mirror for a door.

I finished my tour of the house there, it didn't interest me too much to want to go see the rest of it.

I sat down on the wide window sill, bringing my knees up to my chest, and hugging them tightly. I finally had some privacy and I wasn't strong enough anymore to keep my tears in. I let them out, let them pour down my cheeks like a violent rain storm, making my eyes sore and my breathing hard.

I was scared of being alone, and I knew it too well. I knew it all my life that this day, where I sit crying by my window wondering _why _I was alone, would come. And it did. The reason why I was alone was cuz I was a murderer. Nothing but a cruel _murderer. _I was searching for a title for myself and I finally stumbled across it, but it didn't please me enough to stop crying. _Murderer. Alison Pane The Murderer. _I never had a nickname before, but I wasn't about to go spread this around school.

_School_. In only a couple of days I was going to school, where no one knew me or my life. Where people would be staring at me, trying to guess my last and next move, trying to see my past, ask me question that more than likely I will avoid. I would be tagged straight away. _Freak. _A weird girl, who doesn't talk to anyone, who avoids people, who is a murderer... They won't know that. I'm sure that Evan didn't just come out and say why I was getting send here in _April. _He might have mentioned our dad's death, but nothing about me causing it. I doubt that they would have let a girl who killed her father into their school.

The sun came out from its hiding place behind the clouds and shone right at me. I winced at the bright light and quickly stood up of the window sill. I backed away from the light and ran out of the room. For some reason I didn't like it, I wanted rain, I never did but I did now. Rain made me happier. If I was sad, why should the rest of the neighbourhood be happy? If it rained there was more possibility other people would be sad too. The problem was I had much bigger things to be sad about besides _rain _which wasn't even there.

I sat down on the top of the stairs, and rested my head against the cold wall. With a sigh, my thoughts went back to the possibilities of my first day in an LA school.

I could get beaten up...I could get laughed at...or I could just make friends. Not that it seemed likely someone wanting to be friends with me. The way I looked when I saw myself in the mirror scared me, what about other people? My wavy blond hair, tangled up and not washed for about a week giving me a very...sad look. My brown eyes wild and tired and of course red from crying and under my eyes, dark purple circles were decorating my face. Horrid is what I looked like. Like a..._murderer. _I wasn't going to show up in school like this, I didn't need more worries and problems on my shoulders besides the fact that I'm a _murderer. _

_A murderer was going to high school..._

_**I know, I know it was terrible and short, but I keep on saying this buts its true it is very hard to write this story, cuz nothing happens Alison and Shane just talk about their feelings...please help me by telling ur ideas and stuff...maybe how u would feel if you were in Alison's shoes, cuz Shane part of the story is a little bit more easy cuz there's Kristen, Nate and Kevin to talk about....**_

_**R&R please....**_


	5. Imagine

_**A/N – Hehe...hi **_

_Shane's POV_

_19__th__ April, Saturday_

I had nothing else to do so I went for a drive...

I was driving around random neighbourhoods, thinking what it would be like if my parents were here... if I had a _real _life, lived in a beautiful, happy energy home, with a loving mum and a workaholic dad. We would have a dog named _Pill _and Kristen, Nate, Jason and I would always argue about who has to take the dog out for a walk. Nate would always lose because of his bad arguing skills...

...Kristen and I have given this a lot of thought. She actually keeps an imaginary diary, of her everyday life with her family. Her _imaginary _family. She has a house picked out and one time she brought me to it. She showed me where my room was supposed to be. She gives it so much imagination and thought that she actually believes it... sometimes when she'd come to my room and start telling me about her _imaginary _day, I'd really wish it were true. Life sounds so easier her way. None of us have to work, that's what our parents are for... Jason isn't a strict asshole, Nate doesn't hog the bathroom all the time cuz he has his own, Kristen has a boyfriend cuz Jason isn't a strict asshole and I am scared of death like a regular person... _that's _what our life is supposed to be...

I found the house Kristen showed me that time, and parked my car in front of it. I stared out at the house and wondered what the inside of it looked like, when I noticed the open curtains... The house was supposed to be vacant... Then I noticed the _For Sale _sign gone... Sold. Kristen's house is now lived in by some other family...a _regular _family.

I looked up at 'my room' and locked eyes with a teary eyed girl sitting on the window sill... she looked surprised to see me and wiping away her tears moved away from the window. That was queue for me to go...

As I was driving back my mind stayed with the crying girl. I wondered _why _tears covered her cheeks...what ever bothered her? That house seemed so cheery when Kristen talked about our life there, but who knew what it was really like. Maybe her diary is only a story after all, maybe that house doesn't have the same happiness in it...maybe the people living there have bigger problems then we do, but that never seemed likely.

I stopped the car in front of our house and got out, not bothering to lock the car. Who cared if someone steals it, I might as well do them a favour and leave my keys in the car, that's how much I care...

I went inside and spotted Kristen sitting on the couch next to Nate, with her feet on the coffee table, staring intensely at the TV screen...which happened to be turned off...

She saw me staring at the blank screen with a questioning look and pointed at Nate. "Nate broke it"

"Did not! It was you!" he yelled slapping her pointy finger away

"What?!"

"You were the one who threw that stupid hairdryer at it!"

"Yeah cuz the kettle did no good!"

"Oh yeah, and the hairdryer did a lot of good!"

"Hey! You promised not to rat me out!"

"You promised not to blame me!"

"True but-"

"Kristen" I interrupted their little family conversation "Your house is sold"

"What? I have a house?" she asked raising an eyebrow

"Your daydream house" I explained, walking over to the fridge and taking out a bottle of water.

"Really!? To _whom?" _she insisted

"I don't know, I'm not psycho enough to break in and ask" I told her taking a sip of my water and heading upstairs.

"What were you doing there, anyways?" Kristen asked

"You care?"

"Not, not really"

I went into my room and lay down on my bed.

What would happen if I died, but went to hell...? It couldn't be that much worse than it is on Earth... It ain't that much fun, but what does hell have to offer... I could jump out a window right now and go to either hell or heaven, but I couldn't bring myself to it. It was like I was _scared_. A scared little boy, looking for his end, but afraid to do it himself.

I don't feel human anymore, it's like I'm already dead. It's as if this is my punishment for all the times I ran away from Jason calling him an asshole. I live a life amongst scared little humans _enjoying _every day as if it were their last, when it might really be my last...

What if I really jumped off a cliff? Would I regret it before the second I hit the ground? Would I sing hallelujah? Would I ask myself _why?_ I have the reason why, it's not my life... My life is waiting somewhere in the afterlife and I want to start living it, but I can't bring myself to it. I am scared of life in so many different ways...

...What if there are more people like me, who feel they are called to be born and then die... who only start living after they die... the last and final beginning... On earth you begin so many different things but you barely ever finish them...you just start again at something else....even when you die, you begin again...a new life. But for the last time you begin, but there will be no finish you have to reach, because the beginning is the end...

Like Socrates once said _"__To fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils. And what is this but that shameful ignorance of thinking that we know what we do not know?__" _

If a person hasn't discovered something that he will live for, he isn't fit to live, so why bother? If I am not supposed to be here with the knowing of something I haven't yet discovered or maybe never will... I must I?

I try to figure life out, but it is much harder than it seems and I don't want to do that anymore...

_**Oh, I know all of this doesn't make sense to you, it dosen't make sense to me or even to Shane himself, he just feels...weird. and so do I! :D Ideas most welcome! :D **_

_**Q time!**_

_**Story Q: How do you imagine Alison? Her looks? And what would you like her to wear for her first day of school? Link? & What should happen on the day? **_

_**Random Q : If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?**_

_**Normal Q : Fave artist and his/her/their fave song? **_

_**Hehe I'm weird :D **_

_**R&R **_

_**P.S – sorry it's short, I couldn't think of anything else to write. :D **_

_**P.S.S – If you want to ask me anything, ask! Cuz I luv answering questions. Even random ones like "what shoe size are you" hehe. I'm weird. **_

_**P.S.S.S – If you don't R&R I will kill you! :D Bye! :D **_


	6. Danger

_**A/N – I am sooooo sorry for not updating in a month! It's actually been one month last time I updated was the 18**__**th**__** of the 4**__**th**__** now its the 18**__**th**__** of the 5**__**th**__**! How cool is that?! U still hate me? If u want quicker updates give me ideas!!!! :D R&R! **_

_Alison's POV_

_April 21__st__, Monday_

No. No. No

School, was the last place I wanted to go now. I could ditch. I could be a runaway. But that's not the kind of person I am, even though I am a runaway in some ways.

I slowly opened one eye, and then the other. The light was not there. The last thing I wanted was darkness. The thick black and red curtains kept out all the light. I got up and opened the cursed curtains letting the light in.

I looked out into the faraway sky, wondering how on earth does it always stay blue. I repeat that out loud a couple of times, but I didn't get my answer.

I turned away from the light, and back into the dark, in the bathroom. I raised up the blind and let the light flood the bathroom too.

I stared at myself in the mirror, hoping the live looking girl would come back to me. She didn't. _She _decided to stay away from me, so I had to make myself look the least bit happy, or _approachable. _

I opened my cosmetic bag, and took out a hair brush. I was standing there for a while trying to unknot my unearthly hair. I applied a little bit less of eye-liner than usual, not to make me look even _more _dead.

Even though I wasn't satisfied with my looks yet, I had to leave. No matter how much I didn't want to go to school, I couldn't make my life harder by not going.

I rushed downstairs, and had a peek inside the fridge. It was loaded with my favourites. Lasagne, spaghetti, _water. _Evan took care of everything, and I couldn't help but feel the least bit of appreciation.

I grabbed an apple and ran out the door, the most movement I've made since the accident.

I ran in the direction I hoped the school was, which was east. Just as I was about to tell myself to '_stop running, turn body, go other direction' _I saw a sign that read _East West High (__**I couldn't think of anything better) **_

I slowed my pace as I neared the yellow building. Each step I got closer to my nightmare, and I was dumb enough to keep on going.

The bell rang, and I screamed in shock.

I started running again, and through the doors. I followed the little signs showing to the office. I didn't trust the signs too much but they were the best informer I had.

I found it...eventually. I knocked on the door and a harsh '_WHAT?!' _was heard. I walked in shyly, keeping my eyes on my feet-

"WHAT YOU WANT?" yelled a woman in mid 50s holding the school phone in her hand.

"I'm the new student" I whispered trying to hold my head at eye level

"WHAT?!"

"I'm the new student" I repeated just the tiny bit louder

"WHAT?!" yelled the secretary again slamming the phone down and looking at me with her dagger eyes through her thick glasses.

"I'm the new student"

"Oh, for the love of god, SPEAK OUT!"

"ME" I pointed to myself "n-e-w _s-t-u-d-e-n-t_"

"Well why didn't you say so?" she asked sounding a whole lot more cheery and welcoming.

"I did"

"No cheek missy. Fill this in" she passed me a form. Evan's voice rung in my head '_I filled in everything you need, don't fill in any forms...' _ "Umm...my _brother _filled in the forms I just need the schedule."

The secretary eyed me suspiciously but took back the form, handing me another piece of paper.

Schedule....

English was first...with Mr. Dassy..._okay _

I nodded at the secretaries direction and rushed towards room 17

......

.........

...........

I stood in front room 17, 15 minutes later, just as the bell rang...the doors flung open and a big crowd rushed out of the class room knocking me to the ground.

After everyone was gone to...wherever, I pulled myself up and looked at my schedule...maths with Ms. Casey room 23. I sighed and went for another long journey.

I found the room in a couple short_er_ minutes and knocked lightly. The door wasn't ready to open so I got the sudden braveness to open it myself.

"He-llo" sang the teacher sliding over to me. She lowered her glasses and looked me over. "New?" she asked as if she didn't know. I nodded. "Been there" she sighed. She looked young enough, round her 30s. "You wanna introduce yourself?" she asked, and I nodded...wrong gesture. _Shake your head Alison. Side to side, not up and down! WRONG MOVEMENT! _

"Really?" she asked surprised to meet someone stupid enough to _introduce themselves _in front of a class of people you are scared of.

_Say NO!!!!!_

"Yes..."

"Okay then..." she slid back to her desk and leaned against it, nodding for me to go on.

"I'm...I'm...Alison"

"Okay now we know you, sit down...right over there by _the window" _said Ms Casey seeing my discomfort.

I scooted over and sat down _by the window. _All eyes were on me...no duh. None of them knew they were looking at the face of a murderer. The killer of her own mother and father...

Either I fell asleep or there was a time jump..._I fell asleep_...

The bell startled me...again and I slowly unglued myself from the chair and followed wherever the crowd was going, cuz it was lunch, and I didn't want to be swimming around the halls for another hour and miss lunch...which would have been a pretty good idea...

The second I entered the full silver room it was like time stopped. Everyone turned to look at the doors and some mouths went so low their food fell out. I turned around to see what everyone was gaping at but saw nothing...They were all gaping at me...Just like I feared. Just like the secretary they found me suspicious. They _knew _something. Who moves in the middle of the year to a new city? _Alone? _Well, they didn't know that...yet. But something was up.

I started to move forward, but the eyes followed me. I tried to hide my own eyes but the hundreds of others were like magnets pulling them up.

I shook it off, and made my way towards an empty table...

"Hey ya beautiful"

_**I know that was aweful but I wanted to update and maybe satisfy the least bit of you! :D please review and I really need your ideas!!!!!! **_


	7. A Part Of Life

_**Author's Note : I've had a huge writers block and still do, I have no idea what I'm doing!!! :D hope my nothing is OK :D Review please**_

_Shane's POV_

_April 21__st__, Monday_

There was chattering and whispering in the cafeteria when I reached it. It went to my head. It seemed like someone was calling me, watching me, following every step I took, but I knew it wasn't what I thought it was. Too good to be true.

I sat down at an empty table and stared at the table ahead of me, not really registering what I was seeing. Suddenly my mind clicked back to reality as I saw the most beautiful eyes carried by a beautiful blond girl towards the table in front of me. I tried to figure out why she attracted me. Why I took notice of her, why I wanted to go there and sit beside her, why I _saw _her...

I kept my eyes loched on her and so did the rest of the school. She was attracting a whole lot of attention, something people haven't seen before, something that hasn't been yet inspected.

"Hey Shane!" Kristen greeted sitting down beside me. She followed my gaze and saw what I was looking at. "I know doesn't it annoy you too? Just because someone is new they all like stare at her" she said stuffing a slice of pizza into her mouth. "You too I guess...you think she's pretty?"

I stayed silent and continued to watch. A guy walked up to her table and smiled down, resting his long arms on the table. "Hey ya beautiful" he smirked

Her head rose as he slid in beside her. "You new, yeah?" I wanted to punch him so bad for his idiotism, but instead I stood up and walked out of the school.

"Shane?" Kristen called but I couldn't be bothered to turn back.

I sat down on the front steps and stared ahead blankly again.

The sky was blue: _why?_ Wouldn't it be much better if the world was dark and gloomy 24/7? Death wouldn't seem so bad to the rest of the living people. Would it to me? Death would be pictured differently.

Death is a way of life.

People say that change is good, and impossible to live without. Death is the biggest change you can get, so why is it bad? If a person gets a new phone, _that's _change but if another person dies _that's _tragedy. Doesn't a dead person get the peace they never got a chance to enjoy while living. So why is it bad? It is good in a way, but of course I'm not a normal living person. I'm partly dead, depends how you look at it.

That new girl. She's change. She's change for us and we're change for her. That's a good thing. She's attractive...maybe that's why people are scared of death, because it's _not _attractive. Because it's an unknown...a black hole.

"Hey man, I'm gonna ditch school okay?" Nate slammed down his hand on my shoulder giving me his best 'brotherly smile'. I looked at his hand and continued to stare into space .

I sighed "I don't care what you do"

"Okay, great. Just don't tell Jason. See ya!" he raced off with a couple of his buddies and two girls with skirts the length of my thumb and heels the length of my whole arm, which they couldn't even walk in. They wobbled against Nate touching him every chance they got. One of the girls turned around and wiggled her fingers at me with a teasing smile. I scoffed but for some reason I had the urge to wave back or maybe smile. That blond girl kept on entering my mind, even the most simplest thing would remind me of her...that girl that turned around at me, she was wearing a shirt the colour of the new girl's necklace...how did I even know that?...

I got up, seeming as the bell rang already.

History was next.

I opened the already closed door and walked in. Heads didn't turn towards me like they would if it were someone else. They pretended to listen to the lecture Mr Pratt was giving which suddenly stopped.

"Well Mr Gray I was hoping you would not come late this week but that dream has left me."

"You should be happy I'm here at all" I mumbled

"Really? Well would you like to be somewhere else?"

"No, I find walking somewhere else when I'm already here, completely pointless"

"Do you now?" Mr Pratt tried to keep up with me but both of us knew who the winner of this battle was.

He sighed and went back to his lecture and I slid down in my seat and stared at the lamp above me. My biggest wish was for that lamp to fall and end me. End my pointless life and work.

After a while I was asked a question but I kept on staring at the ceiling. Mr Pratt yelled at me and gave me detention and told me to get out, hit my head a couple of times for which ofcourse he could get fired for...he gave up after a couple of minutes. I would too. I wouldn't bother in the first place. He should give up on me just like the rest of the teachers and students.

The bell rang and everyone shuffled out, I stayed in my seat and watched as Mr Pratt's next class filled in.

The class was full when the new girl came in. All eyes on her she stood at the top of the class. I looked around myself and noticed that I was sitting in the only spare seat in the class. I smirked to myself and stood up gesturing for her to sit. She gave me a confused look and followed me with her gaze as I left the room.

I wandered the halls through my geography lesson, counting lockers and the steps I took, when I heared someone behind me. I turned around and it was the new girl, walking towards the girl's room.

Suddenly her head jerked up and her hand flew up to her heart "You scared me" she said, calming herself

I smirked looking her up and down....I've seen her before, don't know where or when but I have...

"What are you doing here?" she asked shyly. She didn't talk to anyone today at the cafeteria, no one in History, but she talked to me. The weird kid wandering the halls. The one no one ever talked. The _suicidal_.

"Taking a break" I answered

"From what?"

"School..."

She nodded but I knew she didn't have a clue. "You are...?" I asked. The first time in a long time I took intrest in anything with my own choice.

"Mitchie...I mean _Alison_" she answered. She looked all shook up. _Lost. _

"Shane" I introduced myself, resting my body againts some lockers.

"Okay, I guess I'll talk to you later? I...have to go..." she trailed off and her eyes sparkled for a second. The most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, the only thing I've ever taken notice of...She dragging herself forward looking back at me every couple of steps.

I haven't talked to anyone in years and then someone comes along, maybe as almost as mysterious as me and I'm hooked. I need to know who she is, where's she's from and why's she's here, cuz no one comes here by choice...and I should know.

_**Okay so that might not be the best chapter ever but better than nothing. I changed up the plot a bit and I think you should see the change here...and in the summary too. :D Please review. :D **_


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